I have allowed cancer to win.
I have stayed in a career that I dislike in order to maximize my income, and for the health insurance.
I have no partner and no close friends.
Yesterday my physician asked if I wanted to freeze my eggs.
I was 28 when I was diagnosed.
I have never been in a position to seriously ask myself if I want children, to look into the eyes of a man I love and wonder what those potential children might look like.
I have never looked into the eyes of a man I love because there has been no love.
I tried online dating, and the men are rude, crude, and often married.
I tried to go back to school for a career I know I would love, but I could not afford the sole university that admitted me.
I tried to create a new life for myself by moving away.
With new doctors came new opinions that pulled me into an elevated and endless loop of testing.
I was young and now I am grey, with nothing meaningful to show for all that time that has gone away.
Cancer has won because I do not live, but exist.